


24 Floors

by raine_go_away



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, But could be triggering, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, Suicidal Thoughts, ashton has a little girl she's cute, bc luke is OBLIVIOUS, but luke doesn't know it, it works out, its okay though, luke works at a daycare later, single dad!ashton, the most au thing ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:19:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6183991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raine_go_away/pseuds/raine_go_away
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t like Luke remembered the exact moment his timer stopped like everyone else did. He didn’t have that epiphany moment like they discussed in fourth year when it stopped. He didn’t get lost someone’s eyes and feel like his life was complete for once and that the cage around his lungs had finally unlocked so he could breathe in joy and smile for hours.</p>
<p>That didn’t happen, because Luke’s timer stopped before fourth year, it stopped when he was seven.</p>
<p>-- or the soulmate timer au that nobody asked for with luke working at a daycare later on where he eventually meets ashton</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm kind of emptying out my drafts, like i don't remember half of this fic but i remember the beginning a lot. this is basically the soulmate au that nobody asked for but I NEEDED. it's pretty angsty at the beginning if i remember correctly. also, you guys need more lashton. there has been a lack of lashton in this fandom lately and i will not stand for this. 
> 
> leave comments and kudos! i love feedback a lot :)

It wasn’t like Luke remembered the exact moment his timer stopped like everyone else did. He didn’t have that epiphany moment like they discussed in fourth year when it stopped. He didn’t get lost someone’s eyes and feel like his life was complete for once and that the cage around his lungs had finally unlocked so he could breathe in joy and smile for hours.

That didn’t happen, because Luke’s timer stopped before fourth year, it stopped when he was seven. The numbers just stopped when young Luke didn’t even think to check the numbers frequently because they were impossibly high, higher than he could ever count and they’re still ingrained in black ink shining against the paleness of his inner wrist right under the palm of his left hand.

He noticed when he was walking home after school one day because he just looked at it like he always did to help the walk feel like it was going faster. He used to watch the seconds just tick down and feel his heart warm at the thought that when they all ran out he would have someone love him unconditionally like his dad loved his mum and how Celeste loved Jack. He couldn’t wait. But during the walk, he stared at his wrist just waiting for the numbers to change. 

They didn’t.

They remained frozen and that’s when Luke froze in his tracks, staring at the numbers with his heart thumping loudly in his ears with the hot Australian sun burning against the back of his neck, just waiting and praying.

A flood of confusion passed over him as they refused to change, and then he began to panic, starting to run. His converse hit the pavement at a rapid pace, and he lived a good four kilometers from school, but he ran the entire way back to his house.

When it finally came into view, he ran around the front of the house and straight to the backyard to let himself into the back door that was always unlocked for him to come home to. Jack was there in the kitchen when Luke burst through the door, Celeste was there too. They were baking or something, there was flour everywhere and laughter on their lips as they smiled at each other with stars in their eyes. 

Luke couldn’t find the will to move during that moment, just windblown and eyes wide as he began to tremble nervously.

“Luke, how was school?” Celeste called out to him in routine as she put a sheet of god knows what into the oven. They were always home before Luke, Ben could drive them. And they always waited for Luke to come home since Liz always worked until 5 and they would watch him, often helping with his homework and making him snacks.

Jack glanced over at his younger brother after more moments of silence passed from the trembling blond, and he raised an eyebrow. “Luke, what’s wrong?” he demanded immediately.  
Luke just shakily held out his wrist, his entire arm practically vibrated as he bit down hard on his lip. “My.. my timer stopped,” he choked out and Jack and Celeste both froze, Celeste dropping a tray on the kitchen floor and Molly ran for the fallen cookies.

No one said a word for what felt like ages until Celeste cleared her throat, “I’m going to call your mum,” her voice shaky as she left the room. And Jack just ran his hand through his hair before motioning for Luke to sit at the table.

Luke dropped his bag right then and there in the doorway in a way that would have his mum scolding him, but Jack didn’t care as he pulled a chair out and sat down. Jack’s elbows rested on the table, and his eyes were weary. Suddenly, Jack didn’t look like he was sixteen anymore, he didn’t look like a teenager that was full of life and a complete goofball like he was with Celeste.

Instead he looked like their father after a long day at work and he would nurse a bottle of beer for a majority of the night to just keep himself from shaking and numb everything. Jack’s eyes even had the same redness that their father’s would have. Luke just watched as Jack swallowed and sighed, resting his elbows on the table and taking a deep breath.

That was when Luke received his timer talk, a few years earlier than he would in school. 

“I know they lead to soulmates,” Luke interrupted. “I mean, you found Celeste when yours stopped. Does that mean I found mine?”

Luke, in hindsight, can see how young and innocent he actually was when he asked that, but that would never change the crushing feeling he will have in his heart for years to come when his brother let out a sigh and shook his head.

“I.. I found Celeste when my timer hit zero, and so did hers,” his words were shaky as he tried to explain it properly and choose the right words. “But yours.. Yours isn’t at zero, Lukey. We, uh, scientists.. they don’t know why they just stop. Some people have timers that go beyond the capacity of a realistic lifetime. Timers don’t lie, Luke. If your timer is too high, you’ll never meet your soulmate. But when a timer stops... they uh, it usually means your soulmate died.”

Luke’s soulmate was dead.

At seven it doesn’t quite hit him.

He just knows that one day he won’t have a Celeste, and at the time, it was okay. And it just didn’t mean as much when he was seven.

So he just nodded slowly and traced his finger over the frozen numbers, blinking a bit to clear his fogging vision. “Oh,” was all he managed to say and Jack shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Luke,” and that was all he said, and just sat there, scooting closer to wrap his arm around Luke’s small shoulders as Luke continued to trace the numbers on his wrist.

012:273:55:16:38

That night, he heard his family arguing downstairs when he had gone to bed. He could hear his mother crying and his dad said absolutely nothing.

“He doesn’t deserve this!” floated his mother’s voice from the living room as Luke pulled the covers of his bed to his chin and stared at the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling with watery eyes. 

“No one deserves this, Liz,” came his father’s voice finally, breaking through his mother’s hysterics. 

“Give him my soulmate, fate fucked up,” and probably broke something from the sound of the crash Luke could feel echoing in his ears.

He could hear his mother sobbing before she managed to say, “I’m just scared... what if.. high school, and he needs the idea of his soul mate... how will he... how?” Luke strained his ears to hear, but he couldn’t and he just blinked, tears slipping down his cheeks in the dark.

“About eighty percent of people with stopped timers commit suicide,” came Jack’s weary voice, and Luke could hear his mum almost wail as she choked on a sob and then came Celeste’s voice breaking through the chaos to bring some calmness.

“Luke’s part of the twenty, I can feel it... he has us, he’ll be okay.”

012:273:55:16:38

Things were fine after that, the world kept spinning and Luke forgot about his timer for a while, not really caring as winter came creeping around the corner and the frozen numbers of his timer were hidden under his coats and long sleeves.

But when spring came around and the short sleeves were back in usage, Luke remembers an older boy grasping his arm tightly in his hand. It was right after the fourth graders received the talk about soulmates and the timers, he could tell from the way they all whispered about it on the playground, and this boy grabbed his.

“Why is yours stopped?” the boy asked, his voice curious at first.

“Leave me alone,” Luke requested immediately, trying to tug his arm away from the other boy’s prying eyes. Then the boy’s eyes widened and he let out a laugh.

“Yours is stopped because your soulmate is dead!” He laughed slightly, almost in accomplishment as he figured it out. 

Luke felt tears brimming his eyes, all the other kids looking over at them as he kept trying to tug his arm away and shaking his head vigorously. He kept chanting to be let go, and the boy only let go when the teacher snapped, “Michael Clifford, you have detention after school if you do not let Mister Hemmings’ arm go!”

The grip slackened finally, and Luke ran and hid in the boy’s bathroom where he cried for the rest of the school day.

How could his soulmate just leave him behind like this?

012:273:55:16:38

When Luke got home that day with tear stained cheeks and an explanation of what happened, Celeste just made him some hot chocolate even though it was warm out. They shared some biscuits, and Luke did his homework under her watchful eye at the dinner table and occasionally asked questions since he missed all the lessons taught after lunch and Celeste explained what to do with a gentle voice.

Then, after an hour or so, Celeste let out a very satisfied, “There!” and Luke looked over at her with blue doe eyes and she held up a little woven bracelet.

She then reached forward for the wrist that now had red hand marks, and she carefully tied it around it. 

“We’ll cover it up so no one will be able to bother you about it again, sound good?” And Luke found himself smiling lightly, looking over the pretty colors around his wrist and tracing over them carefully with his finger as he did with the numbers as he nodded slightly.

“Good,” Celeste said proudly as she handed him some more thread telling him that, “only one isn’t going to do the job!”

Jack eventually joined them after he finished an essay in the other room, and Ben came down and made some after he finished his calculus homework upstairs. When his mum returned from work, she joined in, and so did his father an hour later.

They ended up ordering pizza since his mum didn’t have time to cook, and they were all too busy weaving little bracelets for Luke to have some variety to choose from every morning when he put on his uniform.

And that night, Luke felt his heart expand and the corners of his eyes crinkling as he grinned. There was this warm feeling in his stomach that was similar to the feeling of drinking Celeste’s hot chocolate after walking home in the rain, but it was better. And Luke couldn’t help but wonder if this feeling was like that those got when they met their soulmates.

He couldn’t be happier in that moment, and it was like Celeste said, Luke had them and he was going to be okay.

012:273:55:16:38

Bracelets were not permitted to be worn with the school uniforms.

All of Luke’s teachers pretended not to see them for years.

012:273:55:16:38

Fast forward to college, and Luke is in year nine where he layers the bracelets up higher on his wrist to bury away the pain of not having a soulmate. His mum has him seeing a therapist, and they just talk over coffee every Wednesday afternoon and it’s okay. She just wants to make sure he won’t fall into the eighty percent, and he doesn’t want to let her down.

But the bracelets no longer just cover the timer that he has learned to loathe, it covers thin lines of scars that he was scattered all the way up to his elbow crease.

They’re no secret to his family. Celeste counts them everyday after school to make sure if he’s having a bad week that he stays home from school the next day and she snuggles up with him and they watch the Lego Movie instead of going out to face the world.

Jack is gentle with him and the kindest of listeners and lets Luke cry without criticizing him. 

His mum, she’s so understanding. Too understanding actually. There were nights where he wakes her up in the middle of the night with tears and sobs and with blood everywhere and chanting about how he can’t make it stop and she just calmly drives him to get him stitches at the hospital with a look on her face that isn’t disappointed or disgusted.

“Why don’t you hate me for doing this?” he asked once.

“I don’t expect you to think everything was rainbows and sunshine. I just want you to know there are things beyond soul mates that you can love, I want your heart beating, Luke. I want you to stay, because I love you and I can’t imagine what I would do without you.”

Luke is careful from then on out, careful to keep from cutting too deep.

012:273:55:16:38

Michael Clifford is relentless towards Luke. His comments cruel everyday, taunting, and making Luke’s heart sinker and crack into more broken pieces.

He doesn’t know what he did to deserve daily torment or a dead soul mate.

012:273:55:16:38

He’s still in year nine when it’s the change of the term, and he has new classes. He’s leaving the bathroom to get to his next class between periods when a boy rushing in crashes into him.

“Shit!” came the other boy’s voice as he knocked Luke to the ground on the tiled bathroom floor and Luke stared into coffee brown eyes that were filled with so much fear as he visibly trembled. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry. Are you alright? Fuck, are you okay? Fuck,” the boy kept cursing and Luke just sat up and smiled a little bit warily, watching as the boy’s hands trembled too violently to pick up Luke’s textbooks and began tugging on his hair in frustration, a glassy look of tears in his eyes as he sat there on the bathroom floor next to Luke.

The bell for the next period rang, and Luke knew he was late, but he made no move to leave.

“Hey,” his voice gentle and resembling the calmness that Celeste used around him. “Are you okay?” His voice wasn’t demanding information, just genuinely concerned as the other boy choked on a sort of sob.

“It zeroes out in fifteen minutes,” he whimpered out eventually, and Luke nodded slowly with a faint smile. But the boy kept panicking visibly, and Luke reached out and held his arm steady with a soothing, stroking touch against the other boy’s tanned skin.

“Hey.. Hey, what’s your name?” he asked, his voice still the same soothing, even tone as before.

The boy took a minute before he responded, whimpering out, “Calum,” and Luke nodded eagerly.

“Alright, Calum.. I need you to take a deep breath and try to keep your breathing even, okay? Your choppy breathing is going to keep you from calming down, try to breathe with my counting,” and Luke began counting out steadily in a soothing voice, waiting for Calum to even his breathing out and stop shaking visibly, his shoulders just sort of slumping slightly.

“Okay, Calum. Good, now tell me, what’s your next class?” Luke coaxed him gently and Calum took in a shaky breath before responding with, “Music,” and Luke grinned. 

“I’m in that class too. What do you say we walk there together? Because I know your timer will zero out soon, but this is all part of fate, so I think you need to continue with your day.. and you’ll find them, and it’ll be wonderful. Can we just walk to Music together, Calum?”

Calum agreed after a moment with a small nod, and Luke helped pull him to his feet and the two of them walked through the empty halls. Before they reached the classroom, Calum nudged him, “Hey, what’s your name?”

“I’m Luke.”

“Thank you for this, Luke.”

They went into the class late together, and Luke could see the exact moment when Calum’s timer zeroed out by the look on his face. It transitioned from something laced with fear and panic to something full of wonder, awe, and adoration. Luke followed his eyes and found Michael Clifford staring back at Calum with the same look, and his stomach sank slightly.

He basically shrank away from the door and took an open seat against the window and watched as Calum sat down next to Michael.

He watched as they wrote notes the entire class with these small smiles that were almost the same as Jack and Celeste’s and watched as Calum’s eyes crinkled as he held in laughter and as Michael’s cheeks heated up slightly.

Even if Michael was horrible to him, Luke was glad that he found his soulmate. And he was glad that he met Calum, because that day at lunch Calum would sit next to him in the cafeteria with a grin and Michael following behind shyly and sitting as far away as possible from Luke at the table as Calum babbled energetically to fill the silence.

When lunch ended, Michael had caught his wrist and looked at him with these earnest eyes and whispered out an, “I’m sorry,” and Luke just smiled and nodded.

They were best friends from there on out, all three of them.

012:273:55:16:38


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now we meet ashton in this part wooooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying really hard to divide these into coherent chapters but honestly it's a struggle since i wrote it more to be one giant thing and that's pretty overwhelming  
> but here it is anyway  
> un-betaed as usually

Fast forward even further, and Luke’s in University and he works at this daycare that is out of this older woman’s home. He takes care of toddlers and a lot of little kids slightly older as they wait for their parents to come pick them up after work to help pay for his tuition.

Normally he works only on a certain three days of the week, but this time he had to work on Friday too since the other worker couldn’t make it, they were sick or something. So instead of spending Friday with Michael and Calum in their flat in the city eating pizza and watching movies, he was working with kids again, but he got extra cash in the end so it wasn’t that bad in the end.

Except, there was this rule with the daycare. All children must be picked up before seven, but here Luke was watching Finding Nemo with a three year old girl, and it’s almost nine and he just wants to go home and sleep himself, but this girl is practically asleep on him, and he just wishes her parent would show up. 

It was another half hour until Luke heard faint knocking on the front door of the day care. Carefully, he managed to get the sleeping girl off of his chest and onto the couch before he jogged over to the door. Ever so quietly, he opened the door trying to avoid the creak that would potentially wake the little girl up. 

He slipped out of the door and closed it behind him, crossing his arms over his chest and putting on the best stern face he could manage even though his eyes were foggy with sleep. But then he was met with these hazel eyes that had his heart pick up in its beating and they were just as tired as his. And oh god, they belonged to the most beautiful man with tanned skin and toned muscles but his shoulders were slumped with some kind of defeat. His hair, loose and messy with curls, lay wind blown across his forehead, and Luke found himself staring a bit too long.

But Luke would not bend, not now. Not when the boy in front of him was unbelievably beautiful and not to mention quite young to be the father of the girl inside.

“Are you Mr. Irwin, Kayleigh’s father?” Luke recited mechanically at this point, and the man in front of him nodded tiredly, staring down at the ground as he took a deep breath.

“I, uh, I’m so sorry,” he struggled to say, his hand going up to tug at his beautiful curls that Luke recognized, immediately knowing that Kayleigh inherited them from her father at this point. “I just.. I tried to get some shopping done after work, but my car didn’t start when I tried to leave, and I, uh, I couldn’t afford a cab... So I walked here?” He held 

Luke could feel his eyebrows furrowing as he just waited for the older man to say that he was kidding, but he didn’t falter as he stared back at Luke with earnest eyes.

“How are you going to get Kayleigh home?” his voice defensive as he crossed his arms over his chest, and Mr. Irwin visibly hesitated.

“I was going to walk, carry her I mean.”

Luke let his arms fall to his sides and stepped out the front air and tested the cold air with his bare skin and his nose crinkled when he was immediately covered in goosebumps from the frigid air. His mind jumped back to little Kayleigh, who was lying slumped on the couch in a hoodie that was too thin for this type of weather, she’d end up with hypothermia by the time her dad got her indoors at home.

So, naturally, Luke shook his head. “I’ll drive you guys. She’s the last one, so I’m leaving anyway,” he decided, and he saw the uncertainty appear on his face.

Mr. Irwin stood there, doe eyed and shivering in the flickering porch light.

“No, I can’t let you do that, it’s too much of a hassle,” and Luke just waved him off, opening the door a bit wider.

“It really isn’t, and I don’t want her getting sick,” then he saw a break in hesitancy on Mr. Irwin’s face before he finally stepped inside. “Go get her things ready, I have some stuff to do before I close up.”

While he went around the space to make sure certain medicines were locked up, and all the lights were off and doors were locked, he could hear the man’s voice from the living room as he coaxed his sleepy daughter into putting on her boots and jacket.

From the way the golden light from the lamp showering the two in light, Luke could start to see all the similarities. Both of their eyes glowed like a hearth in the cold winter, and she had the same curls, just longer and looser but just the same shade of caramel. She even had his dimples, Luke could barely see them in the dim light, but he knew they were there. 

It was endearing, honestly, watching the man who couldn’t be that much older than himself, blow raspberries into the girl’s stomach and her squeals of laughter following quickly.

Luke forced himself to look away, scrawled out a note for the morning worker that he was borrowing a booster seat, and walked back with it in hand and waiting for them.

“Ready?” he called out, and the man looked at him in alarm, freezing in his affectionate movements like they were something forbidden for him to do. Luke watched as he straightened up and picked Kayleigh up, holding her against his hip, and nodding quickly.

Luke tried to smile as he started to walk out the door, waiting for him to exit after him, and honestly felt his veins freeze up with shock when he received a blinding smile from the other man. “Thank you for doing this, honestly,” and Luke felt his cheeks flush as he was locking up the door.

“It’s not a problem, I swear,” Luke repeated, leading the other man and child to his car, which he unlocked. In a matter of moments, he had the booster seat expertly latched down in the back and reached for Kayleigh who had already fallen back asleep in her father’s arms. 

Mr. Irwin recoiled protectively, giving Luke a strange and suspicious look and Luke forced himself to summon the ghost of a smile he normally wore for others. 

“I’m just going to buckle her in so you can get the stuff that you bought into the trunk,” he explained sheepishly, and he saw a look of realization flash behind those eyes and eventually had the dead weight of Kayleigh in his arms.

“Be careful,” Mr. Irwin warned him cautiously as he backed up a bit slowly and Luke let out a quiet, half-hearted laughter and rolled his eyes.

“This is my job, I know what I’m doing,” and he glanced back at him to see a blush pass over Mr. Irwin’s cheeks as he mumbled a quiet “right” under his breathe in a way that Luke could barely hear. 

He buckled Kayleigh in, closed the door to his shitty car as quietly as possible, and ran over to the driver’s side to start up the engine to get the heat going. As he busied himself with rubbing his hands together to create some type of warmth and blew on them repeatedly, he heard the sound of the trunk slamming shut and the passenger’s door opening up.

Luke pulled his hands away from his mouth and brought that fake smile back to his lips as he put his car into drive, “Alright, Mr. Irwin--”

“Ashton,” Mr. Irwin -- Ashton -- interrupted him. Luke raised an eyebrow and nodded a bit as he pulled out of his parallel parking position. 

“Okay.. Ashton, where am I going?”

Besides Ashton telling him when to turn and which streets to take, the conversation was minimal and quiet, cautious not to wake the sleeping Kayleigh in the back. 

Eventually, a quiet, “This is it,” passed from Ashton’s lips and Luke pulled over to the curb in front of an old looking brick apartment building and put his car into park. 

“Thank you, again...?” and Luke sensed he was searching for a name, so he just ducked his head down and told him, “Luke,” before Ashton seemed to nod in satisfaction.

“Well, thank you, Luke, honestly,” Ashton told him again, and Luke just shrugged, because it was honestly not that big of a deal. He had no where else to really be, he wasn’t missing out on anything. Calum and Michael were on their usual date night, so being out of the apartment they all shared as long as possible while the two probably fucked was probably a good idea. 

He waited there in silence and the sound of his car’s heater humming while Ashton got all his stuff out of the trunk and had his arms full, obviously having trouble when he went to Kayleigh’s door. 

Luke stuck his head out the window of his car and asked, “Do you need a hand?”

Ashton immediately refused, shaking his head vigorously and holding a heavy look of determination in his eyes as he bit on his head, still trying to open up the car’s door with only his index finger.

“Is there an elevator in your building?” Luke asked, curiously, and Ashton shook his head.

“No, only stairs,” and Luke instantly zipped up his jacket and got out of the car, shoving the keys into his back pocket.

“I’ve got Kayleigh,” he said, smiling ever so slightly at the look of shock that Ashton gave me. “There’s no way you’re getting up flights of stairs with these bags and a toddler.”

Ashton eventually slinked back in a silent admittance of defeat and nodded, letting Luke grab Kayleigh out of the backseat.

Luke locked his car with one hand in his back pocket, holding onto his keys, and following Ashton into the dark, quiet building and up all the stairs that kept on going until finally they reached a door that Ashton stopped at. 

As they went up the stairs, Luke had to duck sometimes when the ceilings of the old building got too low for him to feel comfortable standing upright, and he kept his eyes steadily on Ashton’s back as they climbed up and up. 

Luke stayed close to Ashton’s heels and followed him into the apartment, careful not to jostle Kayleigh too much. Quick as a whip, Ashton dropped the bags just inside the door and reached to take the sleeping girl from Luke. For a second, Luke hesitated, but then remembered that Ashton was in fact Kayleigh’s father while Luke is not, so he gave her back.

Then, he just stood there awkwardly, taking in the warm interior of the apartment and how neat it actually seemed, and then suddenly felt like an intruder when he came across picture frames with photos of Ashton, a blonde woman, and Kayleigh. 

This wasn’t his house, this wasn’t his family, a family he didn’t have, and probably would not have. His heart was throbbing in that numb was that he encountered at every wedding and baby showers of soulmates he has attended in his life, and he needed to get out of this apartment as soon as possible.

So, with a deep breathe, he turned on his heels and headed for the door, figuring he was no longer needing and feeling like his throat was starting to close up. Right when he was about to go out the door, he was stopped when he heard, “Luke!” come from inside the apartment.

He had to turn back around again and looked back to see Ashton jogging from one of the hallways within the apartment. 

“Sorry, I just tucked Kayleigh in for now, and I just wanted to say thank you again,” Ashton started rambling and then Luke just shook his head.

“It’s fine, honestly,” Luke’s voice felt soft to his own ears and his expression was sheepish, just wanting to get out of the apartment. “And you’ve been thanking me the entire night, it’s fine, I swear. I’m just going to head out,” and motioned to to the door left ajar behind him.

Ashton’s eyes widened quickly and he immediately shook his head. “I was hoping I could pay you back for just wasting your Friday night for me, and I was wondering if you’d just let me order some Chinese takeout or something?”

Luke just felt confused, standing there in confusion, and then bit on his lip, joggling his lip ring for a second and swallowing thickly. “I don’t want to intrude,” he carefully said, and Ashton shook his head.

“It’s really not a problem, I mean, it could be like a bonding experience!” something about Ashton was so full of brightness and wonder that it almost made Luke uncomfortable. 

“Don’t you have your own life and um, you know, a wife?” Luke tried, just trying to convince Ashton to just let him leave. Even though Luke’s Friday night plans were not all that exciting and essentially would only be Netflix and maybe pizza if he actually bought it, spending the night with a stranger seemed terrifying.

“She’s not in town, it’s just me and Kayleigh and I could use some company and input on a movie to watch that is not Finding Nemo,” and Ashton sounded just as sheepish as Luke felt.

“She made me watch Finding Nemo too,” Luke admitted, suddenly feeling more keen to stay, because Ashton was offering to buy him food, and watching movies was what he would do anymore.

“She’s obsessed with it,” Ashton explained, a fondness brightening up in his eyes almost instantly, and he wore a smile that made Luke hate people in general because this man had the most beautiful smile, and Luke was terribly and unmistakingly gay and these smiles hurt his heart.

They hurt his heart because he already knew that Ashton was in fact married, and has his own family started, and was probably lost in soulmate love and Luke would stand there in a potential friendship and feeling hopeful about being in love. It’s a vicious cycle of Luke falling into something he think might be love but know that is never true. 

So, when Luke finally tapped back into reality, he took a deep breath and nodded.

“I could go for some Chinese food,” Luke said, and Ashton’s eyes brightened.

“Great! I’ll order some stuff now, anything in particular you want?” Ashton was moving around, getting his phone out and picking up what Luke presumed was a takeout menu and tossed it at Luke.

He nearly dropped the menu, but flipped through it and said, “Um, just some orange chicken and this noodle dish,” he decided with uncertainty, and Ashton seemed to nod in agreement. 

“Any movie you want to watch?” Ashton basically stage whispered away from his phone receiver. 

Luke hesitated, not sure how to answer right on the spot, and Ashton just smiled and motioned to the television in the room they were standing in, and Luke went through the DVD’s while Ashton kept talking. 

“Um, Pacific Rim?” he offered, holding up the disc, it being the first thing his eyes landed on, and Ashton rolled his eyes before he took it from Luke to set up the DVD player.

“This movie is trash,” Ashton laughed out, raising an eyebrow in Luke’s direction who only just hesitated and shrugged a bit.

Luke just stared at the DVD cover and found himself saying, “I like it.” Then, after another pause, he looked over at Ashton and said, “We don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to.”

But Ashton was already taking the DVD from his hands. “We can watch it,” he assured him.

They spent the rest of the night with their shoulders pressed against each other as they sat on the floor in front of the couch, sharing cartons of Chinese takeout. Ashton would mess with Luke throughout the movie, and it always took Luke by surprise because he was so engulfed in the movie, but every time he would smile in a soft, fond way when he met Ashton’s eyes.

Luke found himself staring sometimes. Luke found himself thinking that this was what it would be like if he had a soulmate. That this is what he would want in a relationship.

But he only had frozen numbers on his wrist, and Ashton had a wife and a daughter.   
012:273:55:16:38

The two of them exchanged numbers after that night when the movie finally ended and Luke left. Now, they sometimes just text the days away, like they are now. All it took was Ashton sending him a simple:

ashton -- received at 3:14PM  
i’m so bored :( save me

That text caused Luke’s phone to buzz in the back pocket of his skinny jeans, which honestly surprised him. He kept all the conversations with the people who actually texted him on do not disturb, but he must of forgotten Ashton’s, because there it was.

luke -- sent at 3:15PM  
don’t you have a job???? 

Because Luke was working at the daycare, all his classes for the day done, and the little kids all put down for a nap at that moment. He just sort of figured Ashton had one too.

ashton -- received at 3:15PM  
i mean, yeah

ashton -- received at 3:15PM  
but it’s boring right now and i have nothing to do and yeah :(

luke -- sent at 3:16PM  
why?

(Luke deserved an award at being the best person to have a conversation with over texts, honestly, his replies made him want to smack himself in the face because they were always so blunt and boring.)

ashton -- received at 3:18PM  
i’m at a board meeting for the english department :(

luke -- sent at 3:18PM  
????

luke -- sent at 3:18PM  
english department?

ashton -- received at 3:20PM  
i teach english to year 10’s and 11’s lol

(Luke wanted nothing more than to smack himself in the face for being so dumb.)

luke -- sent at 3:21PM  
well that makes sense now

luke -- sent at 3:21PM  
are you the youngest person at the meeting?

ashton -- received at 3:22PM  
YES OH MY GOD

ashton -- received at 3:22PM  
THEY’RE ALL OLD GEEZERS

ashton -- received at 3:22PM  
THEY TREAT ME LIKE A LITTLE CHILD

ashton -- received at 3:23PM  
I HATE MEETINGS SO MUCH OK 

ashton -- received at 3:23PM  
YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND

Luke was about to reply when one of the little kids came walking from the living room where everyone was napping. Sure enough, it was Kayleigh, waddling sleepily towards Luke with her thumb in her mouth and holding a raggedy, stuffed animal bunny by the ears. He held out his arms for her, and she sped up her little walk until he scooped her up wordlessly and sat down in one of the chairs in the other room.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked her softly, his voice a whisper as he smoothed down her messy golden hair that fell around her face like a little halo. She just shook her head, looking at him with big, wide eyes.

He focused on rubbing her back, and trying to rock her back to a sleep, but she stayed wide awake the entire time after about twenty minutes. So, with a sigh, Luke just sort of gave up.

“I’m texting your daddy, do you want to send him a selfie?” And the way her face seemed to brighten up answered Luke’s question rather quickly. So, he naturally just opened up the camera on his phone and handed it to her.

They spent about ten minutes taking selfies with different faces, and sometimes Luke would reach forward and move the phone to get a better angle, and Kayleigh seemed so content with this activity. 

It turned out that selfie sessions actually tired her out, and she fell asleep right there in Luke’s lap, so he took one last one with his chin resting right on top of her head and just smiling so much.

So, naturally, he picked out his favorite ones, and sent them to Ashton.

luke -- sent at 4:02PM with four attachments  
sorry, i got a bit caught up in something xD

ashton -- received at 4:04PM  
oh

ashton -- received at 4:04PM  
my

ashton -- received at 404:PM  
god

ashton -- received at 4:05PM  
these are the most precious things I have ever seen

ashton -- received at 4:05PM  
i’m gonna die oh my god

ashton -- received at 4:06PM  
these made my day, thank you so much

luke -- sent at 4:07PM  
no problem! i hope they made your afternoon more exciting!

ashton -- received at 4:08PM  
they definitely did :) i love them. 

ashton-- received at 4:08PM  
i’m making one of them my lockscreen, it’s too cute.

For some reason, this made Luke’s cheeks heat up. Because in a way, Ashton was sort of calling him cute in a super indirect fashion, and it just made Luke’s usually numb heart beat a little faster for a second as his cheeks continued to flush.  
But of course, that’s when all of the other little kids started to wake up.

He held a finger to his lips to make sure they stayed quiet as they wandered from the living room, looking at him with big, bleary eyes. 

“You guys can go outside to play, but if you stay inside you have to stay quiet,” he told the little ones, and quickly tapped out a final text to Ashton.

luke -- sent at 4:10PM  
the munchkins are waking up from their naps, so I have to go!

ashton -- received at 4:10PM  
okay :)

Luke silenced the conversation, just for extra measure to make sure he wouldn’t be too distracted while he took care of all of the kids. Kayleigh woke up about ten minutes later, and ran off to go play, and Luke busied himself with helping the older kids with their homework at the kitchen table.

Kayleigh was picked up by her mother an hour later, and Luke tried not to look disappointed when he opened the door to her face and not Ashton’s.

Later that night, when all of the kids had finally left and Luke had closed up and was sitting in his car, he checked all his messages. That’s when he saw that Ashton had sent something else. Or, actually, two other somethings.

One was a picture of him, probably taken from his lap judging by the angle, and he was making a horrified face that made Luke roll his eyes. The text accompanying it just said, “still suffering in these horrendous meetings!!!! kill me!!!!”

Then, the other, was Ashton outside, a content look on his face, and his arm thrown up in the air in triumph. This time the text just simply said, “free!!!”

So, in the dim lighting of his car, Luke took a selfie too with him just jutting his lip out and pouting and typing out, “finally heading home.”

And that’s how they started to constantly exchange selfies throughout the day.

012:273:55:16:38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember to leave comments and kudos :)   
> find me at cringingcalum.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaand we return to angst. with more poorly written texts!

“I think you should fuck him,” Michael slurred, his arm thrown carelessly around a drowsy Calum who had his legs tucked under him as they curled around each other on the couch of their shared living room. There was an empty box of wine thrown off the coffee table, and Luke and Michael were working on a second.

But at Michael’s suggestion, Luke sputtered, and practically choked on the liquid he was trying to swallow. Calum peeked an eye open and looked at the scene, shaking his head against his boyfriend’s chest with a humored, light smile on his lips that made Luke flush with embarrassment. 

“What?” was all Luke managed to seethe out. Michael just shrugged, bringing his ceramic mug that said “World’s Best Penis” on it to his lips and took a long sip of wine.

“I mean, you only sleep with widows,” Michael seemed to drunkenly reason. Luke’s own mind was a bit fuzzy, but what his friend was saying just didn’t make sense.

“That’s not true,” he protested weakly. 

“It’s true,” Calum interjected in a low, sleepy mumble without even opening an eye. 

“No, it isn’t,” he pressed insistently, and Michael was just rolling his eyes as he poured more wine into both his and Luke’s mug.

“You only sleep with guys who either have a frozen timer or if theirs is zeroed out, only if their soulmate died,” Michael pointed out. “You sleep with widows. It’s kind of weird. Is this a fetish?” Then he went to poke his boyfriend, “Is sleeping with widows a kink?”

Calum sort of shrugged before mumbling, “Probably.”

Then, Luke found himself trying to justify his sex life by saying, “I just... It’s easier knowing that they aren’t destined to be with someone else.” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find the right words to leave his lips. “I don’t just.. I don’t want to be a fill in while they’re waiting for their timer to zero out.”

Finally, Calum opened his eyes to look at Luke with these sad, understanding eyes that made Luke’s stomach, though filled with wine, twist like it was empty.

But before Calum could offer any encouraging, supportive nonsense, Michael jumped in.

“That’s why you should sleep with this Ashton guy!” Michael practically shouted, sounding too excited over the topic of who Luke should fuck that it was almost terrifying. 

“But his wife isn’t dead,” Luke found himself saying, because his hazy mind just couldn’t follow Michael’s logic.

“Exactly,” Michael said, holding up his mug in Luke’s direction before continuing. “It’ll break your weird pattern. Be a homewrecker, Lukey. I know you can.” Then he downed the contents of his mug.

“But I don’t want to split up soulmates,” he found himself whispering. Calum gave him that pitiful look again, and sort of scooted across the couch to curl up on top of Luke now.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Calum soothed, reaching up to fix bits of Luke’s hair for no reason whatsoever. 

“Okay,” Luke said.

“But you deserve to be happy too,” Calum continued, and Luke groaned, banging his head against the wall behind his spot.

“You sound like my mum and Celeste,” he complained. Calum rolled his eyes and mumbled something about coffee sessions with them before saying.

“Maybe you should tell Ashton how you feel.”

Luke blinked blanky at what Calum said, tilting his head to the side and thinking out loud. “How I feel?” because the only thing he felt like was that he was missing a part of this conversation that Calum heard but Luke didn’t, which was weird considering they were his feelings.

“You obviously like him!” Calum shouted, and Luke wondered what was with this couple and shouting while indoors, but he just kind of sat there and thought about it.

Then his mind started reeling. The glances he stole the first night, just wanting to permanently remember what Ashton looked like. The way his shoulder felt electric every time it brushed his while they walked when they hung out. The way Luke just felt magnetized and drawn closer to him whenever they talked.

It was too much, it was too ridiculous and full of too many emotions especially since their friendship just started, and Luke felt dizzy and it just wasn’t fair.

He pushed Calum off his lap soon after that, and retreated off to his room in silence where he laid in bed thinking about how selfish he was.

012:273:55:16:38

At some point in the night, Luke woke up to Calum shaking his shoulder violently. His best friend’s usually coffee brown eyes glowed a fierce gold in the dark. Luke made a sort of groan, tried to swat his friend away, but eventually gave up, and asked, “What do you want?” in a mumble.

“Are you okay?” Calum’s shot back quickly, his voice serious and not sleep fogged like Luke’s was.

“Yeah?” Luke returned, his eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as Calum grabbed for Luke’s left wrist, turning it over, and inspecting the scars of his inner forearms. Calum took Celeste’s job of counting the cuts. He watched as his friend counted under his breath and sort of nodded to himself.

“You sure everything’s okay?” Calum repeated, and if Luke squinted in the darkness, he could see his friend’s eyebrow raised in a perfect arch.

“Yeah,” Luke echoed, sounding more confident than earlier. Then, after a moment of silence, Calum nodded again, and shoved Luke back down towards the mattress and telling him to go to sleep again and left the room.

It was weird to say the least, but Luke didn’t think about it much more as his alcohol fuzzy mind slipped back into unconsciousness. 

012:273:55:16:38

When Luke woke up the next day, he checked his phone and just felt his stomach drop, and his face just turn white. Because there, on his lock screen, were two missed calls from a man none other than Ashton Irwin, and a stream of endless text notifications.

So, before he checked the damages, Luke felt himself cringe violently and bang his throbbing head into his pillow a couple of times before sighing, and unlocking his phone to see it all. But he took a deep breath, quickly thanked god for autocorrect, and prepared himself for the worst when he opened up the conversation and quickly scrolled to the start.

luke -- sent at 1:12AM  
i’m sorry

luke -- sent at 1:12AM  
i’m selfish and i’m the worst and i’m sorry

ashton -- received at 1:14AM  
????

ashton -- received at 1:14AM  
are you alright lukey?

luke -- sent at 1:15AM  
holy fucking shit of course you call me that

ashton -- received at 1:16AM  
do you not like me calling you that? i can stop if you want

luke -- sent at 1:16AM  
that’s the problem. i like it.

ashton -- received at 1:17AM  
i don’t get what’s going on? is everything alright?

Luke let in a sharp intake of air, already scared to read what he wrote back. And what he saw, was just what he expected, maybe worse, but he was biting on his lip hard. 

luke -- sent at 1:18AM  
no everything’s so fucked up

luke -- sent at 1:18AM  
i hate everything and i’m so fucking sad and it sucks

luke -- sent at 1:18AM  
and i just fuck i just want to die this is the worst i can’t do this

Fuck. Luke ran a hand through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut and instantly hating himself for laying this on Ashton like that.

ashton -- received at 1:19AM  
please don’t say that, please don’t. 

ashton -- received at 1:19AM  
you matter so much luke, i never want you to feel like this.

luke -- sent at 1:20AM  
but i do mean it

ashton -- received at 1:20AM  
luke please talk to me, please let me in. let me try to help. i don’t know how to help, but i don’t want you feeling alone.

luke -- sent at 1:21AM  
the universe meant for me to be alone though

ashton -- received at 1:22AM  
that’s not true.

ashton -- received at 1:22AM  
just look at that timer on your wrist. 

ashton -- received at 1:22AM  
someone is meant to keep you from being alone.

luke -- sent at 1:23AM  
too bad it’s frozen.

luke -- sent at 1:23AM  
i was destined to be alone.

luke -- sent at 1:23AM  
that’s why i can’t let you in

luke -- sent at 1:24AM  
and i can’t be around you anymore

luke -- sent at 1:24AM  
it hurts too much, fuck.

luke -- sent at 1:24AM  
i can’t be around anyone anymore, it just all hurts too much.

He could feel his own heart aching, which was weird, because these were texts he wrote, but they honestly didn’t feel like that. They didn’t feel like they were his, and he felt like he was reading the most heart wrenching thing in the world, and it was all his own alcohol hazed thoughts. 

He couldn’t imagine how Ashton felt reading though, they weren’t exactly light and easy texts. And judging from the way his cheeks felt scratchy and his eyes felt crusted, they weren’t easy texts for Luke to write either.

But what Luke went through next in their conversation topped everything else so far. 

ashton -- received at 1:25PM  
if the numbers are frozen it doesn’t mean that you can’t find people and don’t deserve the love and support of others.

ashton -- received at 1:26AM  
people care about you, luke. people love you. just like i do. they don’t want you hurting like this, and they’re so proud of you for holding on. you deserve to accept their support and love.

This particular text made Luke want to clench his phone and throw it at a wall. Because what did Ashton mean by that? Did he mean he loved him like a friend? Was he in love with Luke? He had no clue, but god, he wanted to know, and the idea was killing him. 

ashton -- received at 1:26AM  
and what did you mean by you can’t be around anyone anymore? what does that mean, luke? because you’re scaring me.

ashton -- received at 1:27AM  
please reply to me, luke.

ashton -- received at 1:28AM  
i’m so worried right now. please just tell me you’re okay.

ashton -- received at 1:29AM  
please, luke.

ashton -- received at 1:33Am  
LUKE PLEASE TELL ME YOURE OKAY

ashton -- missed call at 1:35AM

ashton -- received at 1:40AM  
luke for fuck’s sake, answer me.

ashton -- missed call 1:45AM

ashton -- received at 1:50AM  
please, luke, oh god, i can’t lose you

ashton -- received at 1:52AM  
i don’t know what to do

ashton -- received at 1:52AM  
i feel so helpless

ashton -- received at 1:53AM  
i’m going to check phone books and call every person with the last name hemmings. i don’t know what to do.

ashton -- received at 2:30AM  
i got ahold of your mum. she had your roommates check in on you, and it turns out you were just drunk and passed out. 

ashton -- received at 2:31AM  
you really scared me, luke.

ashton -- received at 2:32AM  
text me, call me, whatever. when you’re ready though.

After reading the last text, Luke locked his phone with a touch of a button, because he definitely wasn’t ready. And probably never will be.

012:273:55:16:38

The next weeks following all of those texts were just lonely. Luke cut off contact with Ashton, or as much of it he could, because he still worked at the daycare and would see him occasionally when he came to pick up Kayleigh. But Luke never initiated any conversation, and Ashton respected that and gave Luke space.

012:273:55:16:38

His life felt like what it did in middle school again, before he had Calum or Michael and was alone and scared. All of the days started blurring together. Luke felt like he was hollower than ever, despite the hurricane of self hatred he had brewing in his head that kept him in bed most days when his alarm went off.

He kept his curtains drawn those days, and just stayed hidden under the covers where he felt safe from whatever the world was plotting to throw his way again. He slept a lot too. His medication kept him from dreaming too vividly for the most part. So, the darkness that accompanied sleep was always embraced by Luke with open arms.

Professors from school emailed him frequently, sending him the assignments, and were all around cautious in the messages they wrote. The condition of Luke’s mind was no secret to them, and they always seemed to help him even though Luke felt like he didn’t deserve it.

012:273:55:16:38

Calum started counting his scars more often, and the worried looks he sent in Luke’s direction when the numbers started increasing again didn’t even stir any type of emotion inside of Luke. 

One morning, when Luke had actually gotten out of bed, mainly because he wanted to go to work, Calum made him breakfast. And when his best friend slid the plate of food in front of him, he said, “I’m increasing your sessions with Barbara, okay?”

Luke didn’t even flinch, his mind just thinking back to his therapist and how their recent sessions had been moved from their usual location of coffee shops to her actual office. There was a whole lot more silence than talking.

She told him endless amounts of times that falling back into streams of sadness and depression were nothing to be ashamed of, and that they just happen. Luke would say he wasn’t ashamed. But when he sat in their sessions and actually thought about it, Luke felt like he actually understood why the statistics about people with stopped timers were so tragic. 

“Did my mum tell you to?” Luke asked blandly, pushing the food around, and forcing himself to at least eat the fruit for some sort of energy later in the day.

“No, it was my call. I told her though, she thought it was a good idea,” Calum rambled, settling his hands on the counter as he stared out of the window above their kitchen sink. “You haven’t called her in a while. She’s been worried lately. We just want your heart beatin’, Luke.”

He swallowed thickly and said, “I can tell you’ve been talking to her. You’re starting to sound like her.” His voice was dry, even though he had tried to paint it with humor.

He could see Calum’s body tensing up, and finally there was a spark of emotion deep down inside him. And it was guilt.

“It’s because we all just want to protect you,” Calum choked out, voice so thick with emotion that it sounded like it was cracking. Before Luke could even react, Calum was rushing out of the kitchen. He had one of his hands covering his mouth, and Luke could see his eyes for a brief second before he slammed the door into his bedroom, and they were glassy with tears.

012:273:55:16:38

A number of weeks later and a few more changes in his medications, and Luke was trying again. He could get out of bed again. He actually felt hungry, he went back to classes. He could actually joke with his friends again. 

And for the first time in a while, things started to feel normal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys, this is all i had written for this fic even though it is my child and i do love this au a lot.  
> leave me some comments and kudos and maybe i'll feel inspired to write updates!
> 
> or come bother me at cringingcalum.tumblr.com and i'll try to write more for you all :)


End file.
